A Cycle

I wonder about having another lover.
I feel this pressure that being present in a poly community means that I too must be poly.
And of course, this means having multiple lovers.
So I feel the need to search for someone else.
The searching gives me the feeling of being incomplete.
I feel somehow less than I should be.

Then I remember the most important thing I've learned this year:
I am responsible for my emotions.
How empowering!
The pressure to be a certain way comes from within me.

I feel complete again.
Changing. Evolving. Living.

But, how many times must I remind myself?
Why haven't I learned yet?
Or have I?

I wonder about having another lover.

Confirmation

I was never confirmed.
Or rather, I was, but not the way I was supposed to be.
I confirmed myself as a "no" while UCC counted me as "not yet."
This created some friction for me with my family, but ultimately acceptance.

Further friction came when I enrolled in grad school.
3000 miles from my friends and family.
They questioned my choice, not wanting to lose me to the void called the mid-western US
that would separated us.
Again, ultimately they accepted my choice.

Now, I'm back east, reuniting with friends and family, but again with some friction.
This time, the problem is with me.
Or rather, my girlfriend.
But really, it's with my girlfriend's boyfriend.
And mainly the fact that he isn't me.
Well, one of them is me. One of them isn't.
Maybe the problem is with the number two and that it's more than the number one.
My sister supports me and my life.
So does her husband.
One friend does not.
Zero seems to be more than two to him.

My path to acceptance from my friends and family will likely be similar to the ones before.
Time. Patience. Confidence.

This blog will tell of my journey along this path.